Qualm(s)

I'm VERY immune to this question : "What does your conscience tell you?"
It's so for many reasons. One would barely respond cognitively to this question MOST of the time because they're anticipating what's going to be thrown at them next. Also, your conscience wouldn't just tell you the answer because you want to know it; it is there all along but you're looking somewhere else. Also, what the heck is your conscience, really?
Religious followers (count me out) would often tell you inspiring moments in their life where God answers their queries in a similiar fashion to that of dialling a helpline at MOE/any hospital, just that the concept of working hours are not applicable. So long as you're able to achieve inner peace and listen with your heart (I'm guessing this is how it works), He will tell you the answer nicely. Great. At least they don't ever bump into answering machines.
"Press 1, if you've committed a crime and you're figuring out how to redeem yourself. Press 2, if you're in a dilemma over which friend to side. Press 3, if you're TRULY wondering if you're hurting someone through your actions. And finally, you can hang up if you wish to pay a visit to a church nearest to you to obtain help from a priest who's more than capable than I am when it comes to accounting for the social/moral/emotional debt you've incurred upon sinning." EEEW. Alternatively, one with all the right values/beliefs and a good moral character would be enlightened in a similiar manner. He would then flip open this mental textbook to which references can be made regarding the MORALLY, not logically, correct choices and hence act upon the corresponding course of action.
I guess I lost mine a long time ago =D But that's not the point. Your conscience doesn't perform like a CISCO burglary alarm when you're at the crossroads. It usually kicks you in the stomache RIGHT AFTER you've muddled up. Typically, one will go "What have I done?" And then the story continues on where you would continue to commit errors all day long in your life, similar in nature or not, indefinetely. It's so inevitable that one smartass from ages ago decided to reassure everyone that "IT IS HUMAN TO ERR" Sounds familiar? That's probably one of the most common lines which counsellors pop in to ice (don't use the word this way in GP) the suicidal thoughts of their client.
It's a fact that some people have a minute conscience, if there's a way to quantify it in size. We all know serial rapists should all die because they're one rank up: SERIAL. The same goes for druglords who wash their hands in both blood and money. Notice that I used the word minute, not "a total lack of". In my humble opinion, EVERYONE has a conscience. The question is when does it kick in. A hungry man who has problems feeding himself would engage in thievery for self sustenance, with morals and ethics tossed to the furthest corner of his mind for painfully obvious reasons. In the past he'll be executed right away. Oh lol, just his luck hor.
One's conscience need not necessarily surface at any point in time, but it will, MOST likely, occur when one is at the brink of losing the things he holds dearest to him. That's when regret knocks one out, Mohammad Ali style. Ouch. Drugs can make you go really high, but not en route to heaven for sure.
Just to put this whole entry in context, I'm not one who lacks a conscience. I'm indifferent to many things, but not to real and intangible (quite the paradox) matters that, well, matters most to the heart.
I could still recall the day when she (this special someone) was more enthu than the guys captain when it comes to hauling people to trainings, in particular, me. She called me five times within 20 minutes of the starting time, and another three a few hours later, from home. I couldn't even pick up the phone. What was I going to answer? What COULD I answer? Nothing. Nuff said.
Just today, I ran into her early in the morning and she asked me why did I skip training yesteday. I said I had CIP, which was valid by the way. I skipped today's too. I just didn't feel like going, there was NO POINT in me going, but that's not a good reason. Not for myself. So I guess its not for her too. Sometimes, I wish I could simply do the following:

Mime

Hopefully no Google search lands someone here.
"Intelligent" beings learn by imitation. That would explain why the monkeys at the zoo are capable of procuring bananas on their own even if they're hidden inside boxes. They know bananas grow on trees for sure, but they're might just be debating if there are trees inside those boxes (not the point). Likewise, children function similarly in scary ways. You can stab yourself and tell them NOT to do it, but the they will skip the auditory message and instead try out what you're actually doing - simply because they want to find out what's going to happen next.
~
Ks/Xd has shown me some hilarious videos on youtube that features episodes that are being broadcasted from certain Arabian TV stations. The first one is a cartoon that begins with "evil" Israeli soldiers who murder a family, leaving one sole surivor who later joins a terrorist school and "learn" more about what they're up against. He later straps grenades on to himself and ambushes a convoy that consists of the same few Israeli murderers, shouts "ALLAH AKHBAR!", or "God is great", and kills everyone. The aftermath shows only a bloodied spot on the "matyr's" body.
The second one is a show similar to that of Barney the dinosaur, just that the character in a suit now is Farfour, the Arabian (?) version of Mickey Mouse. Farfour's grandfather handed him a key and some documents concerning the "real origins" of the land which Jerusalem resides on before dying. He also explained that Islam once ruled the word, and will be masters of the world again in time to come. Later Farfour gets captured by Israelis who wants to trade for the documents with money. When Farfour refuses, he gets beaten up (EXTREMELY FUNNY, you don't get to see Mickey getting beaten up everyday) and then the screen says "Farfour is matyred".
It might have been twice as funny had I not known a disturbing fact. These videos are created with the intention of targeting an age group, specifically, children. Yes, truly. Instead of Power Rangers, Pokemon, or even Barney who is unbelievably corny, they're exposed to sickening falsehoods at too tender an age, where their capability of differentiating right from wrong is at its weakest. It is true that Israelis have killed women and children before, but what is the reasoning behind it? Would you really receive Allah-knows-how-many virgins as a reward if you do indeed "martyr" yourself? Finally, what do you stand to gain, truly, from blowing yourself up?
Unfortunately, there are half as many responses indicating a terrifying lack of reasoning too. Some people believe that Muslims themselves are at the root of the problem, when we all know it is the twisted misinterpretation of the Quran by only a few. And then the story continues. More and more people will be dragged into something they have no desire to be in, given a choice. Some go on to think that the existence of religions divide people irrevocably and is at fault for all the turmoil in this troubled world. Oh wow. It's funny how people always think that cats and dogs can't ever get along.
If we believe in an eye for an eye, or a tooth for a tooth, we will all be blind and dumb in the end.

Osmosis

Gunpowder came from China in 900s, but the US ends up having the highest number of gun/household ratio, and owns the record of having the highest number of deaths caused by munitions. Geography's not a boundary, it's merely separation in name.
I could remember sometime last year while I was playing Taidi with my first 3 months class, whereby one Indonesian played 5 diamonds on top of my 5 clubs, saying that's the way suits are ranked in their country. Everyone else went "HUH", hence giving me the moral authority to throw the cards back to him while saying "Sorry, but welcome to Singapore." I could do with less rulesets to confuse me. That game has only one origin, but yet it can turn into something "new" with misinterpretation.
It is inevitable, but not applicable to everything. Although there are lots of Vietnamese and American people playing *Chinese* chess, there's only one way to win. Same goes for all the computer games out there.
And because this happens, it becomes ET 1982 again everytime paths cross each other. Everyone's curious as to what's on the other side, be it greener or not. It is a fact that people look at things differently, and therefore you get to learn something new each time you bother to interact with that someone from somewhere else you've never been to.
Luckily, the world only (grows) smaller.

Treadmill

If you have the deliver the blessing correctly, the word "Happy" comes before "Chinese New Year" for a good reason - at least to me.
It is a holiday DESIGNED to give families time to come together. It seems like a chore already for teenagers. After checking with a dozen of my friends, we've all arrived at the same conclusion: SIAN LAH. Basically, the holiday can be summarised with 5 things to do.
1) Collecting red packets. This year's unique for me, since my mum's siblings have all forgotten to give me any red packets. Not that I'm complaining, because all I ever do with money is dump it into the bank. Who wouldn't get tired of doing it, already?
2) Eat. First you devour all the snacks available at everyone's houses, which range from pineapple tarts to chinese jerky (Bakkwa). Oh, the bakkwa always tastes nicer from the shop that your aunt purchased from, not yours. Next, the compulsory "lao yu sheng" where you have a field day at messing up the table while chanting out queer blessings nonstop. At the end of the day, you'll get a throat so sore your eyes can't match despite looking at terrible skits acted out by Mediacorp actors on stage.
3) I'm asked the same question everytime: "You're in secondary what ar?" Alternatively, I'll get the "Whoa you're really tall now!" remark that irks me the most. I'm uncertain as to the age when human beings become senile, but I'm sure it isn't fifty for every single adult out there. TELL ME SOMETHING DIFFERENT NEXT TIME CAN? I promise my nephews/nieces that I'll be alot nicer. If I don't have anything to say, I will dao them entirely. How's that for doing them a favour?
4) This is one cool thing that I'm pretty new to, and I've never made a profit yet thus far. I'm still very inept at deciding which tiles to keep, or be aware of what "feng" it is already. Worse still, I've no idea what decides how much money I'm actually tossing out each turn. Yes, it is the amazing game that rivals golf when it comes to being a socialiazing avenue. I'm so blur that I can miss out on "pong"-able tiles half the time ^^
5) I invented it this year. Well if you don't have any mahjong or poker cards at hand, and if you happen to have robo-aunties/uncles that say the same thing everytime, you can just position yourself at the best possible spot ever - the sofa. Simply curl comfortably into one corner, close your eyes, and count sheeps until you arrive at Lalaland. Your parents will tell you when it's time to go anyway. Sounds like a flight, yes?
(Un)Fortunately, we're teenagers for just a couple of years more. Work, university, or stupid NS will somehow ensure that at least one of your future *happy* chinese new years may no longer be the same anymore. Thirty years down the road, I won't ever get to listen to "Whoa you're really tall now!" anymore (I'm not dying to hear it). By then, it will just seem as though I made this post the day before.
"Time flies past really fast leh!" Anyone got that from their aunt?

Ripple

I once saw this corny phrase that goes "Friendship is the best ship ever!". I banished that notion to the back of my mind, wondering how did the creative process of creating word play occur to someone in such a retarded way.
Just yesterday, I had one undescribable conversation with a certain XYZ. Undescribable because you can't call it weird, and it is not funny either. Tough call, yes?
"XYZ says:
eh can you promise me something really stupid?
<_hj_> 尤其是数学，剑圣一级跳劈砍出来的数字都比他考的分数要高。 says:
?
<_hj_> 尤其是数学，剑圣一级跳劈砍出来的数字都比他考的分数要高。 says:
*crosses fingers*
XYZ says:
can we still be friendly and be friends after graduating
XYZ says:cos i realized i dont have many friends "
Whoa. I was shell-shocked. I don't get to answer these kind of questions everyday, in fact the last time I had to make the same promise, it was exactly a year ago to EFG, but under totally different circumstances.
XYZ is stranded in a peculiar situation. While not being totally inward like a sponge, he (yes, go guess who) keeps a low profile not to the point of being invisible, but merely transforming, over time, into the many other billions of MSN contacts you have (obviously the ones you don't talk to). Honestly, nobody corresponds religiously to more than half of their known contacts via handphone or MSN for one main reason - the value of the friendship has dipped below that of stock markets worldwide on last Tuesday. However, XYZ's situation was a little more unique. He decided to hop on the highway without knowing that he had paid a price (whether it's going to cost, that's another issue). In exchange for a different brand of education, he forgoes two good years that could have possibly been used to establish deeper friendships back in secondary school - something I'll never experience and am glad that I didn't. On top of that, The system ensures that you'l make just as many friends as you're prepared to lose - ever changing classes due to banding and subject choices. Do the math and you'll get an answer as certain as your $180+ graphic calculator can tell you: inevitably, the ground beneath you is shifting.
What does that really imply? Anyone who goes through such a system will be carried away by the high tide (any surfer's favourite), unless they dig their anchors in hard. If you don't talk to a certain someone on your msn contact list for a year, P(the 2 of you talking again) would be lower than that of P(me getting my forehand drive right). NOTHING, escapes the flow of time. When everyone withers and ends up looking like willow trees, what's going to be the most important asset they're left with? CPF? Medishield/care/save? Or some landed property overseas? Nope, none of the above. It's memories. It's memories that will bring that smile to your face before you leave this horrid world and your woes behind (provided you die a natural death).
When's the last time you've done something about the people around you? Are they mobile fixtures in your everyday life? If only the label "Under Maintenance" can be applied to something so abstract. I'm beginning to FULLY appreciate the efforts of a Sec 4 classmate of mine who, organized a dozen LAN parties, held Christmas parties, and birthday parties for our class even though he's not one bit rich. In fact, he's a simple guy whose parents divorced during Sec 1. With the support of his mother and the nice guy in heaven, he ends up treasuring things money can't buy much more than I do. I never understood the fuss involved when he buys a birthday gift for someone. I realise now (albeit not too late, I hope) that I'm just a little better off than a bankrupt who's done paying off his IOUs a few years back. Life blazes so brilliantly only because it dies out, far quicker than we want it to.
Let's brainstorm for solutions as to what you can do to renew your friendship license. Will buying the cutest teddybear for that person's birthday do the trick? How about going all fiery with "I LUV YOU XOXO" to show some love? Maybe we ought to send out more of those "Merry Xmas To Everyone! Wish you all a ..." kind of messages to everyone on our contact list, that might work. No of course not, I delete those within 2 seconds of reading the first line >=)
The world may mean nuts to you, but you may mean the world* (degree may vary =D) to someone. Let's just do our little part by personally engaging those around us (obviously those that matter the most), a small step at a time. Smile stupidly at someone if you have to, but only if you're trying to make that person smile back. Go out together for some FUN-FILLED activity instead of mugging together that results either in productivity or a stoning session. And so much more... (I'm uncreative, shoot me).
In case any of you were wondering, I replied "yes" to XYZ's question. I tried to come up with a LOL kind of condition that is meant as a joke, but gave up in the end simply because my brain was blitzed furiously by neurons that went "WZDZDSFGXfxaxxDZ" instead of a logical idea. Yeah ,stop laughing at me. Just wait till you're asked the same question.

4Kings

I just had to blog about this. And this isn't an emo post.
I guess I should have seen this coming. Three of the kings left already - FoV because he could postpone his army service and obtain cheap affordable living in mid 2006 to wNv; Creo who stopped playing because he wanted to commit himself to studies in university, but not without winning the most prestigious award with fireworks; ToD left because apparently the team management did not renew his contract for whatever reasons. So there's just one king left.
It's like a weird dream. I doubt the thought of Mancher United closing down would ever occur to their fans, ever. Same here as was 4kings to me. The brand was a trademark, it is synonymous with the game itself, such that when you mention 4Kings, anyone will tell you about the wc3 team (not that I disrespect the other gaming divisions in 4K).
(Back in 2003) The first member was 4K.Tillerman who was a legend, but he had quitted just so that he can go do poker instead. Then there was Kiko,Bond and Kaj who I didn't get to take much notice of. I know LaWn and FuRy was some sick 2 on 2, but thats as far back as I went in 2003 - as my stupid computer lagged the nuts out of me so did my interest in the game. I didn't even know that FoV and Zacard were Koreans, but luckily I know that both ToD and FoV were in 4K.
When I finally had a new ram chip stuffed into the CPU, the first thing I did was scout for replays, and I ended up at the WC3L (most prestigious league) webpage. The first thing I did was to look out for 4Kings, and there they are at the very top during season 8. They were either first or second place ever since, falling to third only once all the way till mid of 2007.
I remember clicking the refresh button a dozen times every minute to wait for updates on the scores during their clan wars, hoping that they'll make it through. I'll feel all high and triumphant when they do 5-0 or a 4-1 over the opposition, or simply any one of them doing an all kill in NGL. I remember feeling SIAN whenever they've lost a clan war so narrowly, but praying ever so fervently whenever anyone of the players was at 1-1. I remember how the team won the WC3L Season 9 finals using only 3 members - ToD, Grubby and Zeus, coming up from the loser bracket and winning 3-2, then 4-1, while they had to forfeit a point every match. I was jumping up and down then, hugging my monitor and cheering to bits ^^
The last few months were a little painful to look at, knowing that they're only a shade of their former selves with those 3 major players gone. There's no 4Kings to look at no more, ever. I'll never get to see the tag 4K in front of their names again in international competitions. There's no reason left to stay up and spam the refresh button hoping that my favourite team will pull through.
It was fun watching them play. The only upside is that the players didn't vanish, they're just in different teams for now. That's good enough a reason for me to continue supporting them.
I'll always be a fan of you guys.GOODLUCK.

HORROR

Is for sale. It's priced so cheap that even the Great Singapore Sale would pale in comparison when it comes to volume of goods sold, which in this case is, as you can guess, sheer horror.
Everyone knows that fear is a primal instinct, and it overrides all primary functions, circuitry or wiring in your brain. When it does kick in, rationale decision making gets chucked into the bin, and then you will speculate of spectacularly terrifying castastrophes occuring so frequently you can't tell midnight from day.
We all know who's the biggest exporter of this wonderful product. They label countries that are perceived as threatening to be the "axis of evil" more persistently than the MDA sticking "EXPLICIT CONTENT" labels onto explosive albums. Murder grabs their headlines so effortlessly, that by the time a convict is proven innocent, he ends being on the 6th page instead. If that isn't persuasive enough, they can always flash the red light on air travel a little more often. Oh my. When was the last time the only thing worth worrying about was nukes flying all over? 30 years ago, right.
The dangers we all face are no less real than what's being reported, yet the ones in control love to spin tales longer than their noses. The power of fear lies in the fact that it is so contagious, so viral that the masses would be thumping the same beat eventually. It grips us tighter than those conditions of them impoverished people.
I have been infected too. A levels is so terrifying that I'm actually studying. Right.