Nay

Yes I epic-failed miserably. Once a week is impossible unless I'm a caveman. On Monday and Tuesday, however, I succeeded in STAYING AWAY for >6 hours in a row. For some inexplicable reason, I can sense my POWERS RETURNING (with respect to mugging) after two long years. While I'm no Superman, my computer's more lethal than Kryptonite anyday.

......

I went back for a visit, and my doctor told me kindly that my eyes getting more and more fucked up by the visit (luckily the trend began only the last visit). I had difficulty in not lol-ing because I only ate 1 Azathioprine tablet daily instead of the required 2 for the past 8 months. It's surprisingly easy to tell someone to STICK WITH IT, but I honestly can't remember when was the last time I actually need not eat an extra 30 mg of synthetic stuff every breakfast. I can't even begin to imagine what is it like for kidney failure patients to undergo dialysis treatment on a daily basis. That's one more reason to get off my Azathioprines.

This visit was funnier than the rest, because the clinic actually had lots of their staff changed. Consequently, I met lots of newbs (not n00bs). The nurse who did the visual analysis with me didn't know how to record down the scores properly, and worse still, wasn't exactly sure of which button to flick to make the slide rotate. In case any of you are puzzled, visual analysis is the incredibly fun eye sight test where the projector reveals rows and rows of alphabets/numerals that shrinks exponentially. I score pretty badly ALL THE TIME, and I honestly doubt it's to do with my eyesight than the incredibly tiny font size.

Those in charge of doing the blood tests were TOTAL NEWBS. They actually bothered to tell me that "you will experience a tight sensation" when they tied the band around my arm, "you will get the cool feeling because of the alcohol swap", but the classic has to be "you can close your eyes if you want to!" when the needle went in. I tried my best to not ROFLMAOGAG, or the needle would have been into a dozen places instead of just one =) I was concentrating so hard on not laughing that I didn't wonder they took 3 x 50 ml of blood instead of the usual 2 tubes --> NEWBS! Being nice is a virtue - I ought to write in a letter someday when I needn't ever step back in there again.

.........

And it's 45 days and counting. I didn't do the actual counting, I saw someone else's blog. All I can think of now is - C U AT LAN!!!!!!!11111111




Take one step at a time, there's no need to rush; it's like learning to fly, or falling in love

Do

I just came back from my cousin's wedding, and saw something really disturbing. They actually featured photos back from the days when both were babies to their school life etc etc. And then I realised that since I don't cam alot, my "preview" might involve a leap from baby straight to ADULTHOOD (provided I get married).

....

There's this queer thing about me; I actually believe in providence in times of desperation. For instance, I'll start praying fervently whenever I lose an item of importance (glasses, thumbdrive) and even "swear" that I'll be more careful in the future to not lose it SHOULD (He/She/It) decides to "help" me find it. For some inexplicable reason, I actually locate these items within 5 minutes of "prayer" 99.99% of the time. That being said, I am a believer - not in fate or destiny or what's written by those in the sky, but simply in inevitability.

Meaning if I did do my homework, truckloads of it, and having no doubts about what I am supposed to know and what I actually do know, I will certainly ace it. Nobody likes uncertainty. It generates unnecessary adrenaline, and your mind gives you a very detailed analysis of what actually won't happen. The only way to eliminate uncertainty is to make things predictable, and that, is what everyone is going to attempt at.

2 years ago on the day I received my results, I actually started worrying on the bus ride back to school because I believed that there was a chance I couldn't get my 6. I started recalling how I BNET-ed during O levels, watched wcg replays of my favourite game, and actually went for LAN right AFTER my practical paper. Simply put it - that wasn't 100% effort on my part. I knew the consequences while bnetting, but I just couldn't be bothered. And then I started panicking right before receiving the slip, again "swearing" that if I do actually get a 6, I will never ever make things come this close again. I did get my 6.

There's only 8 weeks left. Bnet's not the problem, I'm actually tempted to finish my FF9 because I'm on to Disc 3. Wait, that isn't THE problem either. The problem is, just how many times need history repeat itself? None, because I alone can shape fate just as it shapes me.

I WILL ONLY USE THE COMP ONCE PER WEEK FROM NOW ON TILL THE LAST PAPER K THX.


Fuck, I lost my thumbdrive again zzz