Do

I just came back from my cousin's wedding, and saw something really disturbing. They actually featured photos back from the days when both were babies to their school life etc etc. And then I realised that since I don't cam alot, my "preview" might involve a leap from baby straight to ADULTHOOD (provided I get married).

....

There's this queer thing about me; I actually believe in providence in times of desperation. For instance, I'll start praying fervently whenever I lose an item of importance (glasses, thumbdrive) and even "swear" that I'll be more careful in the future to not lose it SHOULD (He/She/It) decides to "help" me find it. For some inexplicable reason, I actually locate these items within 5 minutes of "prayer" 99.99% of the time. That being said, I am a believer - not in fate or destiny or what's written by those in the sky, but simply in inevitability.

Meaning if I did do my homework, truckloads of it, and having no doubts about what I am supposed to know and what I actually do know, I will certainly ace it. Nobody likes uncertainty. It generates unnecessary adrenaline, and your mind gives you a very detailed analysis of what actually won't happen. The only way to eliminate uncertainty is to make things predictable, and that, is what everyone is going to attempt at.

2 years ago on the day I received my results, I actually started worrying on the bus ride back to school because I believed that there was a chance I couldn't get my 6. I started recalling how I BNET-ed during O levels, watched wcg replays of my favourite game, and actually went for LAN right AFTER my practical paper. Simply put it - that wasn't 100% effort on my part. I knew the consequences while bnetting, but I just couldn't be bothered. And then I started panicking right before receiving the slip, again "swearing" that if I do actually get a 6, I will never ever make things come this close again. I did get my 6.

There's only 8 weeks left. Bnet's not the problem, I'm actually tempted to finish my FF9 because I'm on to Disc 3. Wait, that isn't THE problem either. The problem is, just how many times need history repeat itself? None, because I alone can shape fate just as it shapes me.

I WILL ONLY USE THE COMP ONCE PER WEEK FROM NOW ON TILL THE LAST PAPER K THX.


Fuck, I lost my thumbdrive again zzz